Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
