GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
