Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't put those talents on a resume
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
