Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
