I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
