sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
