just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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