is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
