1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
