i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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