hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
