We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
