I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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