You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
