party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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