i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
