farters have to be the big spoon...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
