Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you will always have a special place in my vag
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
