there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
