I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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