Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
