it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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