The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
my poor anus
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
