Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
