Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
