y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I wish you could order shots online.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
