We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
