there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
