maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
