she woke up with a sticky ear
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
