my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
