Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
