If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
