I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
