He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
