That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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