My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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