i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize