Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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