This girl is more easily done than said...
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
