I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
