Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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