I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
