Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
