As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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