My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
