Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
