Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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