conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
