Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
