If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
