i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
