They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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