Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
