good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh god it's open bar.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
