i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
