hotel room ftw
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
