I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
